When I talk to people who have messed things up, the enemy tells them that their family would be “better off” without them. They are engaging in self-hatred. They contemplate divorce and sometimes suicide. The lie they are believing is that they can’t do better, they can’t be better, and they can’t overcome the damage they have done.
I’d like to talk a little bit about my limited understanding of how God convicts us to change in comparison to how the enemy shames us. I heard Pastor Joby of 11:22 put it very well – if what you’re hearing is a message of condemnation, it’s from the enemy, not God.
If God is who He says He is,
If you believe the garbage our society has been spewing, from social media to the news to authors with lots of letters behind their names, men aren’t supposed to be manly. They’re supposed to be nice. I’m not nice. Nice is not telling someone the truth because it might hurt their feelings. Nice is looking the other way.
Here’s something to consider – what if those negative, intrusive thoughts in your head – about yourself, about other people, about your mistakes, your looks, your weight, your job, etc. – don’t actually belong to you?
When I talk with my clients about this it can be incredibly freeing. You’ll have to bear with me,
Men, are you grateful for your wife? Ladies, are you grateful for your husband? Or are you focused on what they’re doing that you don’t like, what they should be doing but aren’t, and how you haven’t gotten what you wanted lately? Maybe it’s time to flip the script and choose gratitude and service rather than resentment and bitterness.
Enemies or Teammates? Do you treat your spouse as a teammate with shared goals and problems, or do you treat them as an enemy? Often when I’m talking with couples I hear a lot of resentment from one towards the other. Blaming, not fair, what about me – this all feeds resentment, bitterness and anger.