I was chatting with clients this week and we were talking about healthy boundaries in relationships. I said, “Sometimes people need ‘No’ in order to grow”.
It’s sounds a little gimmicky, but it’s true when you really think about it.
The truth is that we teach others how to treat us. There are lots of wonderful, loving, gracious and helpful people in the world. Most people, in fact.
However, there are people who aren’t always nice. Sometimes you need to say no or tell someone to stop stepping on your toes before they will respect you. Some people tend to be takers more than givers and they need a no – these are “Users”. Some people will push to see if you will say no. I call those types of folks “Steamrollers”. When you set a hard limit with a Steamroller, they respect you more. When you set a hard limit with a user, they tend to find somebody else to use.
Do you have any “Users” or “Steamrollers” in your life? Are there any people in your life that need a strong “No!” to respect you? Do you need to say NO in order to respect yourself?
One last thought – before you buy into the desperate plea for help and the guilt trip that comes along with telling the desperate User person “No!”, think on this – do you really think that person won’t figure out their ‘crisis’ if you can’t help them? Has that ever happened before? Have you ever had somebody ‘desperately’ need your help when you couldn’t help them even if you wanted to? And what happened – I betcha they managed to figure it out.
Don’t fall for it. Just like kids need to be told “you’ll figure it out” rather than being rescued, adults in your life also need to be told no so that they can figure it out for themselves. Every time you rescue someone, you prevent them from learning and growing. Think about it.
If you found this useful, please like and share it. I’m trying to help as many people as I can. Please help me reach others so that they be empowered!