If you believe the garbage our society has been spewing, from social media to the news to authors with lots of letters behind their names, men aren’t supposed to be manly. They’re supposed to be nice. I’m not nice. Nice is not telling someone the truth because it might hurt their feelings. Nice is looking the other way. Nice is not rocking the boat, keeping the peace, being agreeable.I’m not nice.
The person I model myself after is Jesus Christ. He wasn’t a “nice guy.” He was gentle, he was kind, he was loving. But he was also fierce and fearless. He called his best friend Satan. He called the Pharisees vipers. He made a whip, turned over tables and drove the money lenders out of his Father’s house. He wasn’t nice.
I don’t want to be nice. My children need me to be strong. They need me to tell them the truth about their behaviors (good and bad), about bad people who will hurt them if given the chance, about drugs, alcohol, and premarital sex, to mention a few important topics. When boys start to come sniffing after my beautiful daughters, I don’t want to be a “nice” dad who wants those boys to like him. I want them to be terrified of even thinking about touching my daughter. If they have the potential to be a man who could lead a family and care for my daughter, they will man up, treat her with respect and earn her heart and my respect.
I don’t want to be nice. I want to be kind. I want to be gentle. I want to be loving. I want to speak the truth in love to my family, friends and clients. If I’m not being truthful, I am causing harm. If I’m being truthful but not loving, I am being harsh and hurtful. There is a balance.
I grew up being afraid. Afraid to speak my opinion, afraid of my strength, afraid of upsetting or disappointing other people, afraid of their opinion of me. My God has since taught me that he considers me worth dying for because I am precious. I choose not to be a victim of my past or of other people’s opinions or disapproval. I am more concerned with God’s opinion of me. If that is my focus, how can I fail?
I’m not nice. If a bad man breaks into my home to hurt my family, I don’t plan on being nice. I plan on doing whatever it takes to protect them, without apology. When the wolf is breaking down your door and the Police are minutes away, who do you want protecting you? A nice guy or a strong man? Do you want a nice guy to give your heart to, or do you want a strong, Godly man?
Men, are you nice, or are you fierce? Have you forgotten your strength? Feel like you never had it? Well, it’s there. All you have to do is claim it. If you’re interested in working on this, get into a church with a strong pastor who isn’t afraid to tell the truth. Give me a call and set up a session. I also recommend a book to all of my male clients called, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It’s all about reclaiming your assertive, healthy, loving manliness. NOW GET AFTER IT, MEN!